From The Narrows To The Worldly, I Must Travel All Roads

I'm under a cardiac arrest, tight gripping pain stretches my chest,
lest they forget to molest and taint my dusty memories
i try to speak but only dead skin emerges sooner
a thick gasp for air, i choke, that lump in my throat, puss gush, revolting tumor
my foe speeding rumors, such rumors lead to guilt
in their minds or mine? where must we draw that line
show me where the fun in losing oxygen lies, i wait in this dirt, knelt
in the meanest of times, i shall sever the slave from the master
my heart, an unruly old bastard, war torn and wreck from emotionless sex
simply pick up pace, or denounce this very race? surly you must jest
burly so called men call me an enemy yet again
is it for the emotions i spill or my appearance to them?
its of no concern to me, as countless years of their hell has numbed me, no brimstone flame can burn now, such retched sows
god damn, they used to be oh so deadly...
a resurgence?

more broadly, in broad view, i see society crumbling before you
before me, before we, can do a damned thing to stop the fall
would we even bother, or merely stare, mouth agape, in awe?
not agape as in whores terms, no the words are far much too warm
such a sexual storm of vigor and fear, what lead you here but false dreams and dead deities?
i musent let these thoughts sear my throbbing flesh as past ideas had reached to be those flames

do i move on and merely worry for my own good, or take the hellish road again, but this time for the people of the world?

right, wrong, good, bad, mean, happy, loving, sad, life, death, pain, sex, meaning, answers, existence...

what do these mean to you?
i must find what these mean to me...



who will accompany me on this life long journey?,
<3

I Question My Past Reasoning

i was a sucker for the synergy, yet you loved me so minimally
though times have changed, our love deranged and managed to bring me doubt
was it merely that i craved towards what i could not keep,
or was it truly something more? i abhor every spec and scrap of this speculation
the degradation, the humiliation, i pay forward my pride of the heart to the lovers nation
i sifted through my thoughts thoroughly, preferably in my off time and when I'm not clouded by fear.



19 years. this is where I'm at.,
<3

Broken Thoughts

as i walk along the evergreen path
i drip with scent from my kerosene bath
the plants rush by and i think at long last
from the womb to the dirt, how life does move oh so fast

the weight of the world i do not cary
as i keep it settled beneath my feet, wary
a constant force, the rock, the sea, the hurt
some days shine as the sun, the darkness serving to make it worse

never a constant dry eye, as oceans leak and are cried
when you sever your heart and your mind, those are the best of lies

some say life can find a way, though the path is well hidden
most happiness, through ignorance, is strictly forbidden

blackness is clouding my judgement this day
an eternal price i have no choice but to pay...

or can i overcome?

yes.




do these words mean anything? are they structured to please?,
hm,

<3